so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
