Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
