Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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