would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
