So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So many bounce houses so little time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
