remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
