Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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