I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
