You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its not stalking. its research.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
