I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i came on her dog
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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