I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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