from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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