We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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