I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
