Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
