Whod you bang
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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