finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
