you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
