I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
