Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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