he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
