Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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