it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
