Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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