It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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