i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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