I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
