I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
