She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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