if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
