there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
