420 ftw
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
