I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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