Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
