After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
