I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we're making bets on your personal life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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