You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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