textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
