No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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