She's JV to your varsity
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
