i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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