Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
