i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
