honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Terrible idea I love it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
