I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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