dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
