Already got asked if we're dating
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
