Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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