Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
