What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
