Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
