He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
