I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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