Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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