i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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