I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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