just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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