I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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