I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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