we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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