do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
