Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
