Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
