New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
