Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
