wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
