I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
