I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
