My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
