Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
