I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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