I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
