yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
