I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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