Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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