Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We got so high we made milksteak
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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